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Sunday, July 13, 2008


Cab shorts

Outside a crowded bar at closing time.

(Do note that, theoretically, people who call for a cab have priority, although at closing time many bars are a free-for-all)

I got a call to pick up "Mike" at a bar.

Dude: I'm Jose, I called for a cab.

Me: Sorry, I'm here for someone else.

Dude: Who?

Me: Not Jose.

Dude: I'm Jose. I called for a cab.

Me: Sorry dude.

Other dude: You here for "Mark"?

Mike, Mark. Pretty close. I may have misunderstood. Possibly the dispatcher misunderstood.

Me: Did you call?

Mark: Yes.

Me: Get in.

Jose: I told your dispatcher my name was "Mike".

Dropped off this lady who I've given rides to her and her "significant other" for years.

Me: Say "hi" to your old man for me.

Her: He's not my old man. He's exercise.


New Driver: (impatiently) There's no one answering the door.

Dispatcher: Just give her a minute. Sometimes she takes a while.

New Driver: I knocked. No one answered.

Dispatcher: Look. She's been taking our company since it was one man and a dogsled, just give her a few minutes.


File these under "I crack myself up"

Picked up a fellow cabdriver and a couple lounge hounds at the bar. One of the gals thought I took a wrong turn and started getting pissy.

Lounge hound: Do you know how to drive?

(General conversation continues with everyone ignoring her)

Lounge hound: Hey! I asked if you know how to drive?

Other driver: Shut up.

Lounge hound: I don't think this asshole can drive. Hey! Do you think you can drive?"

Me: Be quite. We're trying to have a conversation.

Lounge hound: Be quite yourself. I asked if you can drive?

Me: And I'm asking if you can walk?

You got change for a hundred?

I might have to drive around the block a couple times.


Had to expand my list

Fairbanks is a pretty small town. Cabdrivers can't get away with anything in this town. Everyone knows the owner of the company and calls him directly if one of his drivers farts crossways in the street.

I've always said: Everyone in this town either went to school with Mike, is related to Mike, or used to work for Mike.

Had to add: Or is an ex-old lady.


Behind the curve

I just found out tonight that gay guys named "David" are not "DAY-vid" the correct pronunciation is "day-VID".

Must admit that I once knew a gay guy named Zachary, who went by /zash-AR-ay/.

There's probably one guy who goes by /day-VID/ in Fairbanks. If I go missing check his alibi.


And a happy belated birthday to Xenia Felix.

More later

I'm not Garret's ex, But we did get in an argument one day. Just once.

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