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Thursday, June 14, 2007


I Teuber Chapters I & II

For new readers this is the third piece I have written in this style. The others were posted on Gone Gaming. Here are the links for those interested. The first two are aimed at boardgame "insiders".

I Teuber Chapter 11
I Teuber Chapters 12 & 13

Chapter 1

1 In the beginning there was darkness in the boardgame void.

2 The darkness was pierced from time to time with flashes of light both brilliant and dim, lasting and fleeting. But darkness prevailed in the boardgame void.

3 Chess and Backgammon were brilliant and lingering lights on the boardgame horizon. The Game of Life was dim, but refused to fade away.

4 But for Chess, Backgammon and Go boardgames were an idle past time for children in the void of human existence.

5 In the time of deepest darkness a loafer, Charles the Malingerer, came upon a game. The friends and family of Charles loved to play the game, and in his conniving heart Charles the Malingerer said, "Lo, see how they drool and laugh when playing this game? Surely there is money to be made."

6 So Charles took the game unto himself and called it his own. He made many little, wooden houses and sold the game at local stores.

7 Charles made much money with his endeavor and grew self-righteous in his success. Alone he could not meet the demand for the game, so he sought the help of the Brothers Parker, game brokers at large.

8 Claiming the game as his own, Charles the Malingerer took the game and many wooden houses to the Brothers Parker. Upon seeing the game Jake and Elwood Parker responded in unison, "Havest Thou the Rights to this game?"

9 The loafer Charles hemmed and hawed, and would look neither of the brothers in the eye.

10 "Be Thee gone, and bother us no more," said Elwood Parker.

11 But the loafer Charles was also a schemer, and in his heart he thought of the game as his own. Again he sought an audience with the Brothers Parker.

12 "Hasten not to throw me out on my ear yet again, Elwood Parker, for I bring tidings of great profit that may be earned."

13 "With this game?" replied Jake Parker in a thundering voice, "How much money is there to be earned, Thou conniving wretch?"

14 "Boatloads of money," replied Charles the Malingerer.

15 "Interesting," said Elwood Parker rubbing his hands together. "Interesting," said Jake Parker, "Tell us more, and canst Thou also deliver unto us the Rights to the game?"

16 "Hear me, O wise Brothers, for while laboring in my home in Philly, I had a vision. In the vision a host of Angels proclaimed unto me that that no person held the rights to The Game. And in his wisdom the Archangel Meeple, leader of the host bestowed upon me the rights to The Game."

17 "That is good enough for us," said Jake, "we can begin printing on Monday."

Chapter 2

1 In the fullness of time Charles the Malingerer was found to be a fool and a liar. The rightful owner of The Game, which came to be known as Monopoly, became known to the Brothers Parker. However Elizabeth the Communist died a modest woman and never did receive her fair share of the earnings from the Brothers Parker.

2 From their deceit, the Brothers Parker prospered, but in the boardgame void the light cast from Monopoly was growing strong and bright.

3 Lo, the light from Monopoly was spawning other sources of light in the void. For though Monopoly was a boardgame, adults enjoyed playing. As more adults played, boardgames became less a childish stigma.

4 In time Scrabble, Yahtzee, a Monopoly expansion and other games designed for adults cast their light into the boardgame void, and the void was taking form.

5 The Lord was pleased with the light and form in the void and said unto Himself, "Surely it is time for light and substance to dominate, and time to vanquish the void."

6 The Lord sent the Archangel Meeple to a certain town in Maryland of the Mid-Atlantic region to speak unto a goodly man, Charles the Tinkerer.

7 Charles was visited by the Archangel Meeple in his garage in the form of a floor jack. Recognizing the Archangel and being a goodly man, Charles fell on his face being careful to avoid oil stains and said, "Oh Lord, My God what have I done to offend Thee?"

8 Meeple said, "Arise, for I bring joyous news and greetings. Hark, you have been chosen to destroy the boardgame void."

9 Meeple presented unto Charles the frameworks for a Combat Results Table and gave unto him Zones of Control rules. Meeple then said unto Charles, "Ye shall be from this day forward known as Charles Father of Avalon." And light and form sprang forth in the void, and the void was vanquished.

10 Although the void was no more, the Lord desired more form and more light in his creation.

11 Charles Father of Avalon was hailed with much celebration and cheers when he shared the Lord's gifts of CRTs and ZoCs with the people. In that same year Charles brought forth unto the people Gettysburg, the first game based upon an actual battle.

12 The Lord was pleased but not finished. The year afterward Diplomacy and Risk were brought forth into the Lord's creation, and life in dorm rooms was forever changed. Lo the light was so bright in what had been a void as to cast shadows as far as Germany, Dallas and the Land of Catan.

13 In the fullness of time Charles Father of Avalon created many more games and the Lord and the people were pleased. Other game designers brought forth more light and more substance and the next generations knew naught of the boardgame void.

14 The boardgame void was eliminated, never more to return, so promised the Lord. Amen.

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