tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99565262024-03-07T05:17:42.109-09:00&gamesThe ongoing saga of my game life, with a few pearls of wisdom thrown in that only I will appreciate.... Who am I kidding? You're only here for the taxi stories.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.comBlogger543125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-73702943828381572762010-03-27T01:02:00.002-08:002010-03-27T01:09:03.921-08:00A boardgame documentary<a href="http://vimeo.com/10392498">Here's the link to the trailer.</a><br /><br />Just over two minutes long.<br /><br />I've actually met a few of the people featured. I do believe I'll have to check that movie out.<br /><br />BTW, I'm in the 500 club.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-48009192193215143902010-03-24T03:05:00.003-08:002010-03-24T03:58:16.376-08:00It's been awhile. How about some game content?Haven't been playing much lately, but I have played a few games. Here are some thoughts:<br /><br /><a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/43443/castle-panic">Castle Panic</a>: Cooperative game to a point, but there is an ultimate winner. Monsters are attacking the castle, the players need to keep them from destroying the castle, but if the monsters are kept at bay the player to kill the most monsters is the winner.<br /><br />Interesting game. Simple, fast, fun romp best played with children, or non-gamers.<br /><br />Every turn the active player is allowed to trade one card with other players. At the beginning of the game you want to give good cards to players who can use them in order to keep the monsters from ransacking the castle. By the end of the game, you will need to decide if you want to give away cards that don't help you, but do help other players kill monsters and rack up points. You will also need to decide if you want to weaken a monster you cannot kill, so that another player can kill it and earn the victory points.<br /><br />Interesting decisions for such a simple game, especially if the players are more interested in an individual win over a team win.<br /><br /><a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/53953/thunderstone">Thunderstone</a>: Crap in a box. <br /><br />The first knock-off of the Dominion system. Seems to me that the game was rushed to market without proper playtesting in order to ride the coattails of the award winning game of Dominion.<br /><br />Here's the problem as I see it. The suggested learning game is fair. I didn't care for it, but it works.<br /><br />When you start playing with random sets of cards, the game fails miserably. <br /><br />The concept is interesting, get a hand of cards, each card has a dollar value that can be used to buy equipment in the village, and each card also has a fighting value. Get your cards, see if you are strong enough to beat any of the available monsters, if not, go to the village and buy better equipment. Players can also "level up" members of their party to get stronger heroes to fight bigger and better monsters.<br /><br />The few games I played did not work with random cards. Not at all. After playing Thunderstone, I appreciate the time and effort that went into designing Dominion all the more. Dominion is by far the superior game.<br /><br /><a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgameexpansion/39775/kingsburg-to-forge-a-realm">The Kingsburg Expansion</a>: I did not care for Kingsburg. The expansion improves the game greatly without changing it dramatically. The expansion consists of numerous changes, of which players can pick and choose which to play with. <br /><br />There are now yearly event cards, more buildings to build, character powers, chips that can be added to your fighting strength but count as victory points if not used by the end of the game, and some other changes. <br /><br />I have only played once. It is still a light Euro, a little too light for my taste, but not a children's game. I probably won't be buying the expansion, but if you like or dislike Kingsburg the expansion might be worth your time to check out.<br /><br /><a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/33160/endeavor">Endeavor</a>: I've played this one a lot lately. Solid, medium-weight euro. I've seen many comparisons to Puerto Rico and Goa, but I find those comparisons to be very loose. I think the game stands on its own with any resemblance being purely superficial. <br /><br />Endeavor is a worker placement game. You have four different aspects which you have to manage, all four of which affect the other three. You need to pump up your ability to build better buildings. You need to pump up your worker pool so you can utilize the buildings and place tokens on the board, you need to pump up your maximum hand size so you can hold more cards to pump up the other areas, and you need to pump up your ability to remove placed workers so you can free up the building to place new workers and utilize the building again. <br /><br />Got it? Gee. When I explain it like that I gotta admit, it's kinda like Puerto Rico and Goa. Yet it is not. Trust me.<br /><br />The game is seven rounds. Placing a worker on a building lets you place another worker on the map, or draw a card. Before another worker can be placed on a building the existing worker needs to be removed. Each round you get to remove a number of workers depending upon how high you have increased your ability to remove workers.<br /><br />Highly recommended. Good medium-weight euro for serious gamers.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-24470443187012201762010-02-01T01:45:00.003-09:002010-02-01T01:59:21.947-09:00From <a href="http://www.xkcd.com/692/">XKCD</a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuFtFCuT8Vca_M8utVyeqiESfEZGElph1Hz33ux9BfDFezmwLxDv9ZS4qsx2ljLf3x2s0lvIgb7sP_vo4kkVRU5ctwZcBduxxQvCPXAongH-MGqL50MVs0lU9plvFgWJvl4_gx/s1600-h/dirty_harry.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 269px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuFtFCuT8Vca_M8utVyeqiESfEZGElph1Hz33ux9BfDFezmwLxDv9ZS4qsx2ljLf3x2s0lvIgb7sP_vo4kkVRU5ctwZcBduxxQvCPXAongH-MGqL50MVs0lU9plvFgWJvl4_gx/s320/dirty_harry.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5433224808380254850" /></a><br /><br />To my two readers: Sorry for the lack of posts.<br /><br />My life is in a bit of flux right now.<br /><br />Back to the old part-time job, now working there full-time. Been busy. Haven't driven a taxi in a month or more, although I plan on driving again, and soon.<br /><br />The comedy that happens at my other job is over the top. Wish I could share. I can't because I'm bound by confidentiality laws. This town is too small to even try to disguise the identity of the people I'm dealing with on a day to day basis. A big city nurse could get away with it, I dare not even try.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-89153926617533700262010-01-01T13:52:00.003-09:002010-01-01T13:58:15.463-09:00Happy Nude Year<a href="http://www.picassoandmatisse.com/paintings/picasso/big/picasso_Nude_Under_a_Pine_Tree_1959_.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 1024px; height: 718px;" src="http://www.picassoandmatisse.com/paintings/picasso/big/picasso_Nude_Under_a_Pine_Tree_1959_.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />We say goodbye to the decade of Knizia and welcome 2010, the first year of the decade of Wallace.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-1085057101184545112009-12-28T04:02:00.002-09:002009-12-28T04:07:22.203-09:00Do you care if we smoke?Two young girls get in the cab in the middle of the night<br /><br />Passenger: Do you care if we smoke in here?<br /><br />Me: Are you old enough to smoke?<br /><br />Passenger: Of course we are old enough to smoke.<br /><br />They get into the cab and shut the door.<br /><br />Passenger: So can we smoke in here?<br /><br />Me: (Gagging) Please do. It will cover up the smell of crack.<br /><br />Passenger: What!?!?<br /><br />Me: I said to go ahead and smoke. It will cover up the smell of the crack you've been smoking.<br /><br />Passenger #1: We haven't been smoking crack.<br /><br />Passenger #2: You can smell it?Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-62938720732772703612009-12-26T07:58:00.001-09:002009-12-26T08:00:09.249-09:00That one never gets old...Hey, come here.<br /><br />What is it, dad?<br /><br />I have a question for you.<br /><br />What is it?<br /><br />Are my hands cold?<br /><br />Aaaaaaargh. NOT FUNNY.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-69056174078454027922009-12-13T03:58:00.002-09:002009-12-13T04:41:32.260-09:00Tweaking my theory on drunks.Frequently passengers will ask me if it is difficult dealing with drunks all the time. I have developed a standard response:<br /><br /><em>"Have you ever been in a bar and seen a complete asshole? The guy who wants to fight, or who is too loud and obnoxious, or who is just generally an asshole?"<br /><br />The passenger responds with, "Yes, of course."<br /><br />To which I respond, "You can bet that that guy is drinking and driving. It would never occur to him to take a cab. <strong>Generally</strong>, taxi passengers are the more responsible drunks. They rarely cause any trouble at all."</em><br /><br />While I stand by that general statement, I have found it needs tweaking.<br /><br />This time of year, that being the company-Christmas-party season, I find it to be less true.<br /><br />Over the years I have noticed that more bad drunks are taking cabs this time of year and the incidence of bad drunks seems to revolve around company Christmas parties. I hypothesize that the bad drunks are taking cabs when they leave the company Christmas party instead of driving themselves in order to keep appearances with their co-workers and bosses. Every other time during the year when they get drunk they drive themselves home. When the boss is watching they are responsible.<br /><br />I should clarify that by "bad drunk" I don't mean someone who is merely falling-down-drunk, a puker, passed out, or even too drunk to remember his address. By "bad drunk" I mean the drunk people who want to fight, are unbearable assholes (or bitches), don't want to pay, or who are otherwise very obnoxious.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-67760074126610304582009-12-04T04:05:00.003-09:002009-12-04T05:41:07.982-09:00Taxi shorts, nothing too funny.... But it was funny at the timeSitting outside a bar reading a book, a person walks up to the cab:<br /><br />"You busy?"<br /><br />"No. Need a ride?"<br /><br />Chick gets in.<br /><br />"Where to?"<br /><br />"(such and such an address)"<br /><br />My radar is going off.<br /><br />"Do you have money?"<br /><br />"Of course I have money. You think just because I'm black I don't have money? I ought to get out right now."<br /><br />"So you have money?"<br /><br />"I said I do."<br /><br />"Enough to get there? It'll be ten bucks?"<br /><br />(Long winded tirade about how I am profiling her because she is black, she is so insulted, I ought to be ashamed of myself, and on and on.)<br /><br />When she started on her tirade I knew for a fact that she didn't have any money, but I thought I'd just go along instead of demanding to see her cash. I figured I might get a good blog story out of it.<br /><br />We got to her house, and of course she didn't have any money. <em>But</em> she would go see if there was any money in the house.<br /><br />I accompanied her into the house, because she'd probably just disappear out the back if I didn't. She woke up her old man. He was sympathetic to me, had no money, was mad at her, and out of the goodness of his heart tried to pay me in dope. I refused. <em>She</em> started yelling at <em>him</em> for ripping off the poor cab driver.<br /><br />Just when it was starting to get good, another cab pulled up to the house. It was a friend of theirs. He was probably there to score dope. He paid me.<br /><br />As I left she was still calling me a racist. profiling SOB.<br /><br />----------------------------------------------<br /><br />(You might have to be a Fairbanks cab driver to appreciate this one)<br /><br />Dispatcher: 88, are you still in the city?<br /><br />88: I'm deep city. So deep you might even call it "south".<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Passenger: Can I bring my dog? It's a certified aid dog you have to let me bring it the state of California paid for this dog for my medical disability yes, you have to let him in the cab come on Poochie, into the car good dog he's a good dog he's a certified aid dog I'm going to WalMart they let me bring the dog in there I have all his papers I've been going to WalMart for months and they always let me bring the dog into the store.... Of course they never ask for his papers he's a certified aid dog he helps me a lot. Don't you Poochie? Yes, you help mother a lot (kiss kiss) the state of California paid for him I have notes from my doctors I got him at the pound every other dog in the pound was a pit bull mix California won't pay for pit bulls but this dog they would pay for he's really helped me a lot you see, I'm bi-polar, when ever I feel manic-y I pet the dog and it really calms me down it helps a lot it's really miraculous they always let me bring him into WalMart.<br /><br />Me: Lady! Shut up and pet the dog.<br /><br />--------------------------------------------<br /><br />Picked up an out-of-towner at a hotel<br /><br />Guy: Take me to a gay bar.<br /><br />Me: Uhhhhhhh, what's your second choice?<br /><br />Guy: A gay bar. Where's the nearest gay bar?<br /><br />Me: Anchorage.<br /><br />Guy: You're kidding me. <br /><br />Me: No.<br /><br />Guy: Well, where's the nearest bar without rednecks?<br /><br />Me: Seattle.<br /><br />Guy: .................How much to Anchorage?<br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Picked up some hunters going to the airport. I was driving a mini van. <br /><br />When I got to the hotel there were two of them standing outside with their gear. I got their gear loaded and prepared to leave.<br /><br />"Wait," they said, "there's two more coming."<br /><br />I'm thinking, "I hope they don't have too many more bags, or we'll need a second cab."<br /><br />The other two guys came out with several more bags.<br /><br />I looked at the bags. I looked at the cab. With some rearranging I could get all the bags in the cab and have room for all four passengers. As I was rearranging they came out with more bags.<br /><br />"We might need a second cab," I said.<br /><br />"No, no. I can hold this bag, he can hold that bag in his lap and we'll have plenty of room."<br /><br />"I don't know."<br /><br />"We'll be fine."<br /><br />As I was re-rearranging, one of the guys came back with an army duffel bag.<br /><br />"We need two cabs." <br /><br />"No, I can hold this bag, we can cram this one here, we can cram that one there, and we'll be fine."<br /><br />"There ain't gonna be room to fart."<br /><br />"We'll be fine."<br /><br />When I was done you could not have packed another pair of socks into that cab. It was <em>full</em>.<br /><br />Then they brought out the caribou antlers.<br /><br />"No, no, no. We need a second cab."<br /><br />"Oh no. We can put them here, he and I can sit like this... sure it'll be cramped, but we can make it.....<br /><br />Then another guy brought out the second set of caribou antlers.<br /><br />"...I forgot about those....<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Better call for a second cab."<br /><br />------------------------------------<br /><br />Then there's the story that I just got subpeoned for. More on that later.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-63272325143442525162009-11-13T01:59:00.004-09:002009-11-13T02:21:25.654-09:00Boardgames: DominionBeen playing Dominion and the expansions recently. Must say that I've been enjoying myself.<br /><br />The <a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/36218">original game</a> is solid in its own right. The first expansion, <a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/40834">Intrigue</a>, which is also a stand-alone game, is kinda weak as a stand alone game but good as a supplement to the original. The second expansion, <a href="http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/51811">Seaside</a>, is a very good expansion.<br /><br />Dominion is a card game along the lines of CCGs like <em>Magic: The Gathering </em>except it is not collectible. Every card comes in the base game or expansions. It is not a money pit like M:tG.<br /><br />Dominion was recently named as the <em>Spiel des Jahre</em> or the <em>German game of the year</em>. For the uninitiated that is the most significant award in the realm of boardgames.<br /><br />As I try to elaborate on my feelings toward the game I find I am stumped. Suffice it to say that gameplay is simple yet dramatically varied from game to game. My 10-year-old daughter was able to trounce three grown men in one game, yet the game is not simplistic. The game is easy to learn yet subtle. There is no perfect strategy, yet know-it-alls will proclaim it so.<br /><br />Forget trying to elaborate, I'm going to go play again. Have a good day.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-41107463790596621792009-11-01T16:30:00.002-09:002009-11-01T16:48:27.315-09:00What a good night. A Halloween without stories.I generally try to avoid driving a taxi on amateur nights, specifically: New Years, St. Patrick's Day, and Halloween, but of the three Halloween is usually the best night to work.<br /><br />Last night, Halloween night, was a great night to drive a cab. I had contemplated staying home and playing games, but decided to go join the rat race and earn a buck.<br /><br />I only had one group of dumb asses all night, and I didn't even leave the parking lot with them. No one wanted to run on the fare. No one argued that the meter was running too fast. The dispatcher was surprisingly calm for such a busy night. No one accused me of going the long way. People were mostly still there when their cab pulled up <em>i.e. didn't catch a ride with a friend or other taxi and not call to cancel</em>. All of that is simply what you should expect on a busy night, especially busy nights that traditionally have many people who don't normally take taxis.<br /><br />Everyone was friendly. Passengers offered intelligent conversation. Tips were good. Stayed busy all night. Traffic was smooth. Didn't have to go on Ft. Wainwright a single time.<br /><br />What a great night to be a cab driver in Fairbanks.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-87262374000533918752009-10-27T03:17:00.005-08:002009-10-27T04:20:24.964-08:00Rethinking the strategy -or- Groupthink and Pushing HackI've been pushing hack for entirely too long, almost ten years. As a full time job, I've only driven a cab... on and off.... full time... for say... three years. For several of those years I just drove on the weekends. For many other years driving was one of two part-time jobs that I combined for full-time work. <br /><br />Over those ten years I've observed and even joked about one constant in the business. On one hand the constant is irritating, on the other hand I've always recognized it as something that could be exploited. Two months ago I finally pulled the trigger and put my theory to the test. So far I'm happy with the results.<br /><br />I've been pushing hack full time for the last few months. I decided to approach cab driving as a three week on/one week off proposition. Work everyday for the first three weeks of the month and take the last week off.<br /><br />Here's my rationale in a nutshell: Most people get paid at the beginning of the month. Welfare checks and social security checks are all deposited at the beginning of the month. People are flush the first week of the month and are broke the last week of the month. At the end of the month cabdrivers are left to fight over scraps.<br /><br />Not only are people flush at the beginning of the month, but most cabdrivers are earning pretty good money and taking excessive time off for the first couple weeks of the month. Not only do people have money, but there are fewer cabdrivers to compete with to get that money. <br /><br />Conversely, at the end of the month not only are passengers broke, but cabdrivers are broke. Every cabdriver in town knows his rent is coming due in a few days and is on the road trying to make some money. Not only is there less money to be earned, but you are competing with more drivers to earn those scarce dollars.<br /><br />So far I'm happy with my new system. Hopefully, with family obligations I'll be able to maintain this schedule. For the record: I have taken a day off here and there because of illness, or to play boardgames, or to be with my family, but I've also gone into work on my week off just for an excuse to get out of the house.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-2730105546947629912009-10-16T03:44:00.004-08:002009-10-16T04:07:08.443-08:00No, no. Please... (gag) Stop it, please. -or- Sibling rivalryPicked up a chick. She was going to the bar but needed to stop and pick up a friend on the way. We got to his apartment building and she telephoned him to come down.<br /><br />And we waited. <br /><br />And waited. She called again. He said he'd be right down. <br /><br />And we waited. <br /><br />And we waited. She called again. He said he was coming down right now. <br /><br />And we waited.<br /><br />"So who is this guy we are waiting for."<br /><br />"He's my brother-in-law, and if he doesn't hurry I'm going without him."<br /><br />And we waited. <br /><br />She called again and told him we were leaving in two seconds.<br /><br />"Must be a pretty good brother-in-law to wait this long for him."<br /><br />"No, I really don't like the guy, but if I leave him I'll just piss off my sister."<br /><br />"Should we just go?"<br /><br />"No, I'll wait for him."<br /><br />When the dude finally got into the cab and we left the apartment building the two shared a passionate kiss and started mashing out in the back seat. I mean like teenagers in the backseat of a Chevy. They were going at it hot and heavy. Buttons were coming undone.<br /><br />I caught bits of conversation. Apparently the wife thought he was going to the store to pick up more beer.<br /><br />So much for not wanting to piss off her sister.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-22069931521326520862009-10-04T05:47:00.002-08:002009-10-04T05:53:10.354-08:00Line of the night<em>(That's a double entendre, nudge nudge)</em><br /><br />Passenger: Hey, give me a twenty.<br /><br />Other Passenger: What?<br /><br />Passenger: Come on, just spot me a twenty.<br /><br />Other Passenger: Dude, you're drunk, we're going home, what do you need money for?<br /><br />Passenger: Come on, man. I'll pay you back tomorrow.<br /><br />Other Passenger: Okay. Just tell me what you need it for.<br /><br />Passenger: All I got are ones. I can't be seen snorting coke with ones.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-35258715140890402682009-09-28T01:02:00.002-08:002009-09-28T01:05:27.808-08:00Duck Dealer/Tales of the Arabian NightsOne fascinates me and has the potential to be a great game, the other is on a par with Monopoly and rhymes with Tales of the Arabian Fights.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-6397147954076703652009-09-23T02:15:00.008-08:002009-09-23T03:44:40.735-08:00A final Pasco Fiasco-RIP<em>About a year ago I stopped posting notices of people whom I know who have died. Late last year and early this year there were a string of deaths and I just couldn't find the gumption to make notice of them any longer on this blog. It was a sad time and before I knew it I was so far behind in posting the notices that I just quit.</em> However, this passing cannot go unnoticed in this blog.<br /><br />Ken was a character. He was a character first and a cabdriver second. <br /><br />Ken was a likable guy. Most con men are. Even after he dicked you most people would come around when he turned on the charm.<br /><br />One of my claims to fame is that I taught Ken how to drive a taxi. I've been called a "bastard" numerous times when that information has leaked out, <strong>usually</strong> followed by a laugh.<br /><br />I can remember at least two occasions when the owner of the company had had enough. That was it, Ken <strong>was</strong> getting fired. No doubt about it, Ken would <strong>not</strong> be back. He was hard on cars, he was behind on leases, a car disappeared for a couple days and he was the main suspect, etc. On each of those occasions when the owner of the company was so pissed off and ready to take a chunk out of Ken's ass..... what do you suppose happened? On each occasion Ken came back to work the next day with a better car than he had been assigned the day before.<br /><br />On one occasion I, myself, wrote a note to the boss that I was going to start paying my leases in the form of IOUs as long as he kept that SOB as a driver. The next day Ken turned on the charm and my anger faded to mere piss-off-ed-ness.<br /><br />Even though he was a con man I did kind of like him. He was usually good for a laugh. If you weren't laughing with Ken, which was usually the case, you were laughing at him. <br /><br />Can't say I'll miss him. Can say I will never forget him. Never. And I will probably chuckle and smile whenever I think of him.<br /><br /><br /><br />You died far too young. All in all, I wish you had just moved to Anchorage.<br /><br /><strong>R.I.P. Ken Pasco</strong>Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-73248303390083116122009-09-15T00:37:00.003-08:002009-09-15T01:10:16.515-08:00More drunk math*<em>* You won't even believe this story, even if I swear it is true. I <strong>swear</strong> it's true.</em><br /><br />Drunk: How much to the Super 8?<br /><br />Me: Oh... Like 9 bucks, give or take.<br /><br />Drunk: It only cost me 6 bucks to get here. I got 6 bucks. You can get me back for six.<br /><br />Me: Don't bullshit me. It'll cost what it costs, but I ain't doing it for six. You can wait for the next cab.<br /><br />Drunk: OK. Just get me back to the Super 8.<br /><br />Me: I need to see your money. It's too busy to do it for six. If that's all you got you can wait for the next cab.<br /><br />Drunk: I got money. (He showed me a wad of bills.)<br /><br /><em>Time passes. We arrive at the Super 8.</em><br /><br />Me: That'll be $8.50.<br /><br />Drunk: It only cost me 9 to get there.<br /><br />Me: Yeah. And it's only eight fifty to get back.<br /><br />Drunk: Don't fuck around with me, man.<br /><br />Me: What?<br /><br />Drunk: I ain't paying more than nine. That's all it cost to get there.<br /><br />Me: And I got you back for less than 9.<br />.<br />.<br />silence<br />.<br />.<br />Me: Come on man. Eight and a half.<br /><br />Drunk: F. U.<br />.<br />.<br />Me with absolutely no idea what is going on: Look man. I'll do it for nine if that's all you got.<br /><br />Drunk: F'in' right you'll do it for nine.<br /><br />Me: It's <em>only</em> eight and a half.<br /><br />Drunk: Here's ten, but I ain't never calling your company again.<br /><br />Me: And what company would that be?<br /><br />Drunk: <em>He rattled off the phone number for the other big company in town.</em><br /><br />I thought about correcting him... but he was out of the cab and off in a huff.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-30711371930092596752009-09-14T05:39:00.002-08:002009-09-14T05:54:57.148-08:00Cash CabA couple got into the cab:<br /><br />Dude: Oh man! This isn't the cash cab. I was feeling lucky.<br /><br />Me: Oh what the hell. Let's play cash cab.<br /><br />Dude: Bring in on!<br /><br />Me: What's the longest tributary of the Yukon River?<br /><br />Chick: The Yukon!<br /><br />Dude: What's a tributary?<br /><br />Me: Uhhhh. No. <br /><br />Dude: Give us another one. Don't make it so hard.<br /><br />Me: What's the capital of Canada?<br /><br />Chick: Calgary!<br /><br />Dude: No! It's Saskatchewan!<br /><br />Chick: Saskatchewan is a state, dumbass.<br /><br />Me: Well.... No. It's not Calgary.<br /><br />Dude: It is Saskatchewan, isn't it!<br /><br />Me: You realize if this was cash cab I'd have to kick you out?<br /><br />Dude: Ah man. Give us one more.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Me: Pfffff. What's Mickey Mouse's first name?<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Dude: Who?<br /><br />And that was the end of cash cab.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-45632135749938976672009-08-29T06:38:00.004-08:002009-09-01T14:26:17.679-08:00Drunk MathThe fare came to $8. The lady had a ten, a five and a one. <br /><br />For some reason she did not want to part with the ten spot.<br /><br />She looked through her purse searching for more ones. She found none. She went through her purse again. She got out of the cab and went through her pockets. Nothing. All she had was a ten dollar bill, a five dollar bill and a one dollar bill. <br /><br />She gave up and handed me the ten. I handed her two dollars change.<br /><br />She looked at her money. She looked at me. She looked back at her money and said, "Hold on." She looked at me. She looked at her money and counted it through squinted eyes.<br /><br />"Wait! I've got eight dollars here. Give me back that ten."Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-4338753813763957042009-08-27T16:31:00.002-08:002009-08-27T17:23:14.583-08:00In which I ponder the female mind and have a brilliant ideaMiddle of the night I got a call to pick up at a certain address. It was raining. About a half block from the address some drunk chicks flagged me down. They said they had called, they needed to get away from the house because some scary guy was harassing them.<br /><br />Sounded reasonable so I picked them up.<br /><br />They got in and started talking about this "creep" who was "stalking" them. They were obviously quite shaken up.<br /><br />"Let's get out of here! That dude is just scary!"<br /><br />"Yeah! Let's go!"<br /><br />A half block later the dispatcher called. He said the party I was supposed to pick up watched me pick up someone else and drive away. This left me in a bit of a predicament because I was the only cab anywhere close to the area and people who call are supposed to have priority.<br /><br />I quizzed the girls and it became clear that they had called a different company. They (understandably so) refused to get out and wait for their cab. I spun around to see if I could get the other party to share a cab with the girls.<br /><br />Turns out the guy I'm supposed to pick up is the "creep".<br /><br />After all the previous drama the girls didn't mind if he shared a cab. In fact, they were begging him to share a cab. The guy adamantly refused. He said something along the lines of, "I don't want anything to do with you dumb bitches."<br /><br />Anyway... I arranged for the other company to pick up the other guy, and everyone left happy... except me.<br /><br />These girls were stupid, AND obnoxious, AND loud.<br /><br />After all the drama about getting away from the scary guy they were actually <strong>insulted</strong> that he refused to share a cab with them. And that wasn't the half of it. When they weren't talking about him they spent the whole ride bitching about their other friends.<br /><br />I was tempted to drive off a bridge to put us all out of our misery.<br /><br />When we got home they had me turn off the lights before we drove through the woods to the house so they could sneak in without their parents noticing.<br /><br />That's when I had my brilliant idea.... I think I'll call it "blackmail". I didn't use it, although I was sorely tempted. I was happy to be rid of them, but I filed it away for future use. The next time I get kids sneaking home late at night I am going to charge them an extra $10 or else I'm going to lay on the horn before I leave.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-52073211240253771052009-08-24T02:52:00.004-08:002009-08-24T03:33:46.088-08:00Two drunk chicks drop their car off at a friend's house and call for a cab. They were barely 21 <strong>if</strong> they were 21.<br /><br />Long story short they thought they were pretty cute. In fact they were just obnoxious. They spent the whole trip annoying me with little cutsy-isms and foul language that would shame a sailor. <br /><br />They did not know the address to which they were going, so instead of calling their friend to confirm an address they had me drive up and down the street until they saw a car that looked familiar. The fare came to something like $15, it would have been 10 or 12 if they knew where they were going.<br /><br />You're going to give us a discount, right?<br /><br />Not tonight, ladies. <br /><br />But we're cute enough for a discount, don'chya think?<br /><br /><em>No comment. I just let that one go. One of them handed me a ten.</em><br /><br />Come on. It's 15, girls.<br /><br />You don't think we're cute?<br /><br />I think smart chicks are the cutest.<br /><br />WE'RE SMART!<br /><br />What's the capital of Canada?<br /><br />End of conversation. Got paid. No tip, though.<br /><br /><br /><br /><em>BTW. The check in the previous story was good.</em>Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-45918191957975778052009-08-08T17:22:00.003-08:002009-08-09T04:06:23.274-08:00The rulez of cabdrivingRule #1: Never take a check.<br /><br />Rule #2: Never ever take a check from someone going to the airport.<br /><br />Rule #3: Never take checks from hippies.<br /><br /><br />Took a check from a guy with a hard luck story. Something about being in the Bush, being in a hurry to make his flight and his kid being in the hospital. Claimed to be a state employee in the Bush studying bear scat... or something. I clearly broke rules 1 and 2, but I did so with my eyes wide open.<br /><br />When I got home and took a closer look at the check I noted it had "Earth Day", "Plant Trees for America" logos and something about Yellowstone Park.<br /><br />Anyone want to take bets on how high the check bounces?Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-78805761809832532462009-08-07T02:01:00.002-08:002009-08-07T02:11:04.179-08:00Only in FairbanksGot a call to pick up at a low budget apartment complex. As I pulled up I noted a cop putting a man in handcuffs into the back of his patrol car. I had a feeling....<br /><br />Me: That wouldn't happen to be the guy who called for a cab from 206, would it?<br /><br />Officer: Why yes it is. You want him?<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Officer, noting my skepticism: He's got money.<br /><br />Me: You got somewhere to go, Lincoln?<br /><br />Lincoln: I would go get something to eat.<br /><br />Me: Sure. I'll take him off your hands.<br /><br />The cop un-cuffed him, he got in the cab and we left.Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-8351593641062430962009-08-06T07:23:00.004-08:002009-08-07T02:14:08.769-08:00It ain't the Jewish SynagogueDispatcher: I've got one at the Immaculate Conception Church.<br /><br />New driver: Is that the <em>Catholic</em> Church?<br /><br /><br /><em>I'm sorry. That's not much of a story, but I'm still chuckling about it. </em>Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-63109896897147640762009-07-28T11:05:00.002-08:002009-07-28T11:12:14.795-08:00This is seriously pissing me offThe local media (at least the media to which I listen) are saturated with advertisements about the Lipizzaner Stallions. The advertisement contains the following line: <br /><br />Watch as world famous Lipizzaner Stallions astound you with their amazing leaps in the air above the ground!<br /><br />Try this on for size:<br /><br />Watch as world famous Lipizzaner Stallions astound you with their amazing leaps <s>in the air above the ground</s>!Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9956526.post-13600318432452096872009-07-27T15:19:00.002-08:002009-07-27T15:24:52.425-08:00Obama acted stupidlyEveryone was eager to believe the cop was a racist. Now that the facts are known, why will no one call the racist professor with a chip on his shoulder the racist that he certainly appears to be?Coldfoothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11636345146138362966noreply@blogger.com5